He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
