i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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