I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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