people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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