I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
