There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
