You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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