Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
