so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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