Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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