wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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