im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she smelled like a LAN party
The best revenge is premature balding
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
