how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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