he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
