I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
