Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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