1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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