I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
