I'm pants shitting drunk right now
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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