I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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