can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize