Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
