okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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