I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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