there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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