I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
