I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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