she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
