I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
MIDGETS
????
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
