everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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