she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
