My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
