Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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