So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
