Hey man sorry I got all grabby
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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