He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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