I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
