I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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