i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
