seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
