I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
