Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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