sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
