did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize