well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
