What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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