pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
