hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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