I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
