This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
