I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
