My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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