i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
