Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
