Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
