He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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