I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
