My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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