ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
