someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
