why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
