T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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