I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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