You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
