i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
