I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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