i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
