D3 body, D1 cock
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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