he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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