I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
