ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
