No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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