They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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