I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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