My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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