the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
