Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Couch. On fire.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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