I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
