So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
