Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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