Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
