They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
