I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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