well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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