you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
