Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
