you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
