he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
