Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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