well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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