It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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