i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
