dude i'm inner monologue high
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
