we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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