i think my tv is drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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