Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
