I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
