We won't sleep together?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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